Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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