***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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