I hate your face
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
