I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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