I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
