Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
