Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
