I haven't been this sober since birth.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Houston, we have a squirter
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
