He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
