boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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