hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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