last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
