went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
