Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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