I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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