I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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