did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
