Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
