They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
