fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
