4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
