Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
