Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
