i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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