i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
