Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
