omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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