Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
