Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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