I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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