am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
