That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
