Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize