upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
