drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
