Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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