Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I see more hoeing in ur future
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