My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize