is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
