she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize