Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
