I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize