the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.