Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know