she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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