Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
