Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
