i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
