Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
