worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
