So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
