He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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