i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't deserve a penis
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize