I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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