Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
