even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
