Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this will be a night to untag.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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