I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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