1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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