Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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