ya dads aren't the best wingmen
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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