You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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