he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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