Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
