how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
