Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
