I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
