a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
