Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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