the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
