So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had sex on a roof
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
